Flashback, flash forward


Flashback, flash forward. Earlier this week I was tagged by Jana, in a roundabout, Sesame Street sort of way. I gave up trying to post this yesterday when it became clear early on that all I was gonna get from Blogger was a big screw you.

25 years ago I was all about My Little Ponies, ballet and jazz lessons, pretty dresses, Anne of Green Gables, the Mini Pops and playing school in my driveway with my best friend who lived down the street.

10 years ago I was on the cusp of my 22nd birthday. I was into vintage clothing, Ani DiFranco, rolling joints and Southern Comfort.

5 years ago my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I’d just started talking to Dave on a regular basis and although I knew the potential for our friendship to really take off and become serious was there, I told him straight up that I couldn’t focus on him because my priorities were my mother and school, in that order.

I fully expected him to walk away from me at that point, but he didn’t. He stayed around, helped my mother out whenever he could and became an important part of my life – and my mother’s.

My mom went through radiation that year; I took a block of time off from school to help her and for the first week I drove her to her treatments…four days into her schedule I got a speeding ticket for almost $400.

3 years ago to the day I was as big as a goddamn WalMart and ready to pop. The lease on my uterus expired on the 6th but Julia felt it necessary to stick around until the 12th, when, with the help from some IV drugs, she was kicked out.

1 year ago I was largely pregnant and spent the days cursing the sun and its fiery rays. Last summer was fricking sweltering and as I watched myself sweat in areas I didn’t think I could sweat from I vowed to never again have sex with Dave in October. Ever. This makes me feel so tired and rambling…

So far this year I have lost one of my best friends but, in turn, have formed a strong and lasting friendship with someone who I just can’t imagine not having in my life. I’ve watched my daughter become a spunky and compassionate little girl, not to mention a kick-ass big sister, and have seen shades of Oliver’s personality come shining through – he’s persistent, curious and mischievous, but boy, does he like to snuggle.

Yesterday I went for a massage and it was just what I needed. So maybe now I’ll have the chance to visit the places in the world I always wanted to see.

Today I am working on making the move over to WordPress. I’ve had it with Blogger.

Tomorrow I will kiss and hug my children and tell them I love them a thousand times.

In the next year, I will continue to lose weight, get another tattoo, seriously consider when to start trying for a third and revel in the joy that is my family.